I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
