Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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