I think im going to throw up on grandma
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
