I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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