Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
