Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
