Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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