I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
