tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
