I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
