Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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