NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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