She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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