oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
