mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i now understand why vodka
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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