Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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