She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
