I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
