On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish i was in the wii world.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
