Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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