I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
