Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
