dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
