I think I died a long time ago.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
