my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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