Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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