we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
