something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
