babies were throwing up all over the place
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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