two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
