I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Randomize
