A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
