Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
