Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
