found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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