Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
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