apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
