you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
