Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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