I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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