does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
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