I puked a lego.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
