that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
