I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
