He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
