We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
