i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
