You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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