I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
