Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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