i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
