the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
