why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
